A Mind Muted

A cold evening and somehow the noise has died down. I find my way up to the top of my apartment for no particular reason. The day was good.

The breeze was strong, yet somehow it slowed down, as if in a mark of respect to me it seems to have bowed to me. It's not gushing any more, just flows down gently singing a soothing note and cool just enough to send surprising a chill down me now and again.

There are children playing down there, but they seem distant.. almost in another world. I lie down with my hands behind my head, looking at a sky that somehow seems new. There is a new sky tonight.

My breath slows down, deciding to rest for a while. Its been running hard for over 2 decades now, but the air seems to have put it in a strange trance.. and it seems to lay down beside me.. taking a pause before toiling to keep me alive again...

give me this moment
it seems so much mine
for in this moment
i feel i own time

I close my eyes, the darkness seems lighter today. The perpetual black of the night has a strange hue of a color I don't know of.. there is a spark in the horizon which I don't really see. I felt as if someone was looking over me; a moment passes by and now I feel someone is looking at the world through me and my closed eyes.

Eyes open, I sit up staring at the window of an apartment across the road. I don't realize anything, I can't figure out anything. Resting on my hands stretched behind me I look up at the sky. It is blank, much like my mind and so thoughtless I stare. It seemed as if a heavy mind just lost its weight and floats. A feather with a golden tinge is all I see though it is nowhere near me. I bask in that moment.

I see nothing, I hear nothing.. I think nothing.. yet at that moment I didn't feel no happiness.. of course there was no trace of remorse either, but it wasn't a state of happiness... still I wanted to remain in that state and just as I thought a shy smile spread.. a loud honk below and my eyes open.. I hear the noise below... children laughing and shouting, the birds of the evening chirping flying about with a cheerful disposition to themselves. The thought of happiness ..the smile.. it broke me away from that moment.. I was feeling cheerful now but it wasn't what I was a moment back.. this cheeriness seemed incomplete for its not what I sought...I wanted to be in that moment .. thoughtless and pristine.. I looked around trying to find an answer .. a happy man was looking for something beyond

The moment passed it never came back... and I wonder now is it happiness that we seek in life..

staring at the world
from up above
i saw the impostor
that a smile be

By Maneesh Madambath, who writes similar posts at the quiet little corner of the blogging world called the limitless at http://thelimitless.blogspot.com

Philip Yancey